Annoying Mail Signatures

I’m fed up with annoying mail signatures. Here is my interpretation of a particularly annoying one.

This email (including any attachment) is confidential and may contain privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient or receive it in error,

I’m an idiot who occasionally sends confidential mail to the wrong person!

You may not use, distribute, disclose or copy any of the information contained within it and it may be unlawful to do so. If you are not the intended recipient please notify us immediately by returning this e-mail to us and destroy all copies.

Besides being an idiot I also like to tell you what you can and cannot do and I’m not above lying to bully you into correcting my mistakes!

Any views expressed by individuals within this e-mail do not necessarily reflect the views of X or any of its subsidiaries’ or affiliates’.

My company does not trust me.

This email does not constitute a binding offer, acceptance, amendment, waiver or other agreement, unless such intention is clearly stated in the body of the email.

What I say is not trustworthy!

Whilst we have taken reasonable steps to ensure that this e-mail and attachments are free from viruses, recipients are advised to subject this mail to their own virus checking, in keeping with good computing practice.

I have no clue if this email contains viruses or not!

Please, do not include anything apart from contact information in your signature, the exception is a short quote to enlighten my day :)