Thursday, October 29, 2020

The Corona Virus from a Tapir's Perspective

Tapir Gazette: So, what do you think about the latest conflict between the Humans and the Corona Viruses?

Tony: It's about fucking time someone fought back against those bastards. They've been bullying all other species for far too long!

Tara: Hear, hear! I've been hoping someone would take them on for years, but there seemed to be no stopping them.

Tuck: Yes, they have been eradicating the rest of us at their expense for hundreds of years now. I'm glad someone is sticking it to them. Go Corona!

Tara: The worst part is that they think they have a right to this since they are they Kings of the world. Who wears the crown (corona) now, motherfuckers!

Tapir Gazette: What about the strategy of the Corona Viruses?

Tanya: It was looking pretty good in the beginning, when the mortality rate was about 6%. That could really have made a dent in the population, perhaps enough to keep them indoors. But, now it looks like it's more 0.6% and that won't make a difference in the long run.

Tuck: I think the Coronas should have been more patient. They should have waited longer before they started taking people out and just infected as many as they could before striking.

Tanya: Yeah, I agree, they jumped the gun. It would have been better to stay under the radar for a longer time before coming out in force.

Tara: But it was a smart move to strike in the dictatorships first. It gave them more time to spread to the rest of the world since the dictatorships care more about appearances than about people.

Tapir Gazette: What about the human tactics?

Tony: From my perspective the "Shelter in Place" tactics is awesome! The more we keep the humans indoors the better it is for everyone else. But, from a human perspective, I don't know. I don't think it will last very long if the mortality rate stays below 1%.

Tuck: Humans have become so complacent, they can't handle a crisis like this. If they can't find toilet paper at the store, they riot!

Tapir Gazette: Why do you dislike the humans so much?

Tuck: What's not to dislike? They are the most speciest (racists for species) assholes on earth. They care about nothing but themselves. Even the richest, so called philanthropists, only care about helping people at the expense of the rest of us.

Tanya: Yeah, have you seen the population curves? They are totally crazy.

Tony: Yeah, they are the real pandemic!

Tapir Gazette: Any final words, anyone?

Tuck: I hope it's not my final words, but who knows these days ;). I don't think that all humans are assholes, some of them try to make a difference. The latest report from Living Planet shows that at least some people seem to care.

Tanya: I wish I had your positive mindset Tuck, but I can't see anything bright about our future. The only good human is a dead human. At least they are good fertilizers!

Note: The names of the tapirs have been changed to protect them from retaliation.